What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
What painting is terrible at ever being happy? The Moaning Lisa.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
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