Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
"Great minds drink alike."
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I'm pine-ing for you.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Beach you to it.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
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