What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Go to BabaMail
