I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Let’s make some pour decisions.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Readers do it by the book.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
I scored when I met you.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
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