What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why couldn’t the Italian man get into his house?
He had gnocchi.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
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