What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume.
One day I asked him why.
He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Fred fed Ted bread and Ted fed Fred bread.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
My love for you is like no otter.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
It’s snow joke.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
"I'm so egg-cited for Easter."
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Go to BabaMail
