My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Some bunny loves you.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why couldn't the cowboy get down from his horse?
Because you can only get down from a goose.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Calm before the score
I think I found my perfect match
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
You’re my lucky charm.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
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