What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
That look soots you.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
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