Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
Those were Goodyears.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard.
I’m not a huge fan of the bark.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Go to BabaMail
