Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
You’re turtle-ly awesome.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
Go to BabaMail
