How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye.
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