If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
The food here is quite so-fish-ticated.
I hope for world peas.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
I love you and I ain’t lion.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
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