How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
You’re brew-tiful!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
I pitcher us together forever.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
You're acute Valentine.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
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