I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.
"Aloe you vera much."
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Writers have great climaxes.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
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