Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Summer went swimmingly this year.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
Fresh French fried fly fritters
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
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