What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
The huddle is real
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Live to tell the tail.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Irish potatoes are spud-tacular.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
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