Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
Whatever floats your goat.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
All farts...are laughing gas.
The baker taught his apprentice that to make a good pie one needs to bake it to pie-fection!
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
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