An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
That’s a-may-zing!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
I followed my heart to you.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Summer went swimmingly this year.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Go to BabaMail
