Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
"Eggs love you."
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
It's lit.
What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
Go to BabaMail
