What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
The huddle is real
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Go to BabaMail
