Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What do computers eat for a snack?
Microchips!
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
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