Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I made Chinese for Easter dinner
If I had made Japanese it would have been Eastest Dinner.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
"Lazy bones."
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
"For peep's sake."
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
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