I’m very frond of you.
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
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