The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Rudder valve reversals
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
Don't get caught between a chalk and a hard place.
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
You’re my lucky charm.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
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