There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
You know what really bugs me?
Insect puns.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Go to BabaMail
