What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
I’ll never leaf you.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
How many Chinese folks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't change lightbulbs, then just dim sum.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
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