"I lava you."
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There were players on the other side.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
That’s a bit mulch.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
Herb your enthusiasm.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
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