Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I’m soy
into you.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Or maybe it’s baseball players because they’re so great at hitting it off.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
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