Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
You really mermaid my day.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I just want to say, “I love brew.”
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"
Me: "I Excel at it."
Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word."
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
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