While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
The calm before the score
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
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