Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic. But thankfully I’m cured.
I’m ex-static!
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
When winter comes, this town turns into an iceburg.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
Which hot drinks space people like? Gravi-tea.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
I love you berry much.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Go to BabaMail
