I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
"Having a good hare day."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
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