I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Which candy do astronauts like? Marsbar.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Paddy like a rockstar.
I love a good shindig. Just call me Napoleon Bonapart-y.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Leaf me alone.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Go to BabaMail
