What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
I followed my heart to you.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Go to BabaMail
