Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
What was the artist's favorite swimming stroke? The brushstroke.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
You are spud-tacular.
Long thyme no see.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do you call a goat that’s lazy?
Billy Idle.
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
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