What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter… has the letter i.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
My father and grandfather work for the DMV.
I come from a long line of long lines.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
Calm before the score
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
I always have a ball with you.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?
A: Make them do limeout.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
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