Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
An ig is just a snow house without a loo!
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
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