After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.Then you can witness The Fall of Rome."
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
How do you organise a welcome party for an alien race?
You planet.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Something’s goat to give.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
My friend gave birth in the car on the way to the hospital
Her husband named the kid Carson.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
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