What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
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