Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
A bit late but here goes anyway: what do you call the elf who checks Santa's grammar?
A subordinate claus!
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
People are always after me lucky charms.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Go to BabaMail
