No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Drink happy thoughts.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
I can sea clearly now.
Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Let’s have a shamrockin’ good time tonight!
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Why can't a tattoo artist be faithful? Because he always has designs on his clients.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
If trees could kill you, they wood.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
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