How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Quasimodo would’ve been a great detective
He always had a good hunch.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
My Chiropractor is serious is as hell
But he always cracks me up.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.
It’s forever burned in her mammary.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
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