Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
You seem a little mer-mad.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
A cross-eyed teacher can't control his pupils.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
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