What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
But wait—there’s myrrh.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What’s the preacher’s favorite fall song? A-maize-ing Grace.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Go to BabaMail
