Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
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