What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
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