Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
The painter did not want to sit idle because he knew that time white for no one.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Whatever coats your boat.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Seed between the lines.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
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