The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell.
It was the wurst.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
When a gardener asks you how much you love them, you could try the effective – I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. Hearing that really lifted a weight off my chest.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
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