Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
Dublin’ the fun.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
Get in the swim this summer.
Here today, lepre-gone tomorrow.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
I'm snow bored.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
These decorations are tree-mendous.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
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