Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
Sips getting real.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
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