The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Last winter was so cold, I couldn’t stop telling my wife how much I glove her.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
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