Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
You’re unbeleafable.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
I have bean thinking about you.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
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