What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
What milk comes from Spain?
Soy Milk.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
You’re my heartthrob.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
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