What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What is the Easter Bunny's favorite drinking game?
Hop Scotch.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
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