What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
"Alcohol you later."
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
You are shrimply the best!
"You crack me up."
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
You make miso happy.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
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