What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
"I lava you."
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
My Chiropractor is serious is as hell
But he always cracks me up.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
The furniture store saleswoman keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell.
It was the wurst.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
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