Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Beach, please.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Is this a science class? Because we have great chemistry.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
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