What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
My love for you is like no otter.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
The huddle is real
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Why was the pun a bad comedian?
He never got the pun-chline right!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
I feel tail great!
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Go to BabaMail
