Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
It is difficult to hold up a trouser. How does Jupiter does it? Simply, with an asteroid belt.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
I can heartly wait to see you.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
Go to BabaMail
