What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
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