There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
Many mumbling mice are making merry music in the moonlight.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
What is a Greek dog’s favorite dessert?
Barklava!
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
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