What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
I'm snow bored.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?
You're not alone.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Don't get tide down this summer. 'Tis the season for having fun.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
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