Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
"I'm nuts about you."
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
"You're totally scrambling my brain."
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Dublin over in laughter.
Resting Grinch face.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
You snooze. You booze.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
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