Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you do when your friend is a claustrophobic astronaut?
You give him a little space.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
Why do you think is the moon bald? Because it has no ‘air.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
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