How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the Fuh Cologne.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Love's a feeling you feel when you feel
you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.
That’s a bit mulch.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Go to BabaMail
