What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Beach, please.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
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