What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Can I Alp you?
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
We’re mint to be.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
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