Why do birds fly south in the fall?
Because it’s too far to walk.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Once I tried to paint the sky but I blue it.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Bad spelling makes me sic.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
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