Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
The baker taught his apprentice that to make a good pie one needs to bake it to pie-fection!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
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