What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
I whale-y like you.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
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