Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I whale-y like you.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
For instant fun, just add water.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Go to BabaMail
