Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Because it's a gray area.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
One trick peony.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
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