Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
My love for you is like no otter.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
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